Oh my god, it has been almost a whole month since the last time I posted— I swear I haven’t forgot, there’s an explanation!
You know I’m ADHD, I’ve talked about it multiple times already. And while it’s not uncommon for us to chain hyperfocuses one after another, if it turns out to be related topics it can be dangerous because suddenly it can suddenly turn into not just a rabbit hole, but a whole anthill. Topics cross and intersect between them and you can’t help but dive deeper and deeper like it was a fucking metroidvania.
But every story has a beginning, so let’s go from there.
Twitch comeback arc
Earlier this year my boyfriend decided to give another chance to stream while working. He’s an illustrator, so to stream his creation process is not only something pretty common for fellow artists, but also a cool way to keep some kind of socialization: Most of the time people lurks around or engages in funny conversations, so if you don’t worry about your viewer numbers it’s a net positive almost everytime.
I also used to stream but stopped about 2 or 3 years ago, mostly because of burnout. In a time I wanted not only to keep my attention on both Youtube and Twitch, but also keeping an obsessive focus on delivering quality while fixating on stats, it was unavoidable. Something had to give, and in the end, it was everything. But this time it was different: I dropped my aspirations on everything (as sad as it sounds) and now I only do what I’m really willing to do. And right now, apart from the occassional mashup (which are honestly fast to make) or tinkering project, I had nothing to do. So, why not?1
And I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t go the extra mile. First had to find an overlay package so it doesn’t look barebones; I mean, if there’s something I obsess over and over on everything I do it is looking good, bitch. No matter if it’s web programming, video or even a PC build: its design has to stand out. I spent weeks both researching methods, taking ideas and making (and remaking) my own overlays and alerts from zero, using Streamerbot and HTML/CSS/JS connecting through websocket. In the end I wasn’t happy with anything, so I settled on using a NerdOrDie premade pack before I got burnt out again, before even starting.
VRChat and avatar customization arc
It was once again my boyfriend who begun wanting to try to use a PNGtuber on the suspicion that furries get scared when they see a real webcam2. As the IT support person in this house, it was me who helped him setting everything up. But then, the thought of “I have a VRChat model, how can I take advantage and using it as a Vtuber?” appeared. Again, Krystal has to research and learn how everything works to put the damned 3D model on screen and tracking him through the webcam.
In that moment, a light sparked in my brain: Earlier last year I saved on Gumroad a model that had enough resemblance with Krystaline just in case some day I could actually adapt it and have my own model… And the day had come. Now it was a matter of being able to learn how to use Unity, Blender and Substance painter. I am prolific in anything multimedia: call it coding, video, audio or image. Yet, I never touched anything close to 3D and it would be a start from zero. But after all… Why not?3
What a hellhole I got unknowingly (no) into. But it would be a blatant lie if I’d say I could do it alone. Shortly after swapping a few colors, jumped into VRChat and an old friend adopted us to her group. Thanks to them I’ve learned tons of things to a degree and speed I could have never imagined: 3D modelling on Blender, texturing on Substance and finally a bit of rigging on Unity. What are blendshapes, materials, phys bones and a huge etcetera. A goddamn rollercoaster, I swear: Hyperfocusing on one stage, breaking something, starting over again, breaking something else, fixing, undoing and redoing. Feeling euphoric just to fail and depress over the overwhelming feeling that this is endless and I won’t be able to do it. And again, and again, and again.
But after two weeks, it was done. Krystaline in 3D was now a reality and I can’t be more proud than I really am of how it has become to be. Not to say that the job is done, because after having the avatar comes the job to learn how to adapt clothes and accessories to fit her. But the first step was already finished. Many, many thanks to Fer, An, Yukiko and all the crew that beared with me in the meantime. I owe them all of this.
Vtuber arc (ongoing)
Many of them are also Vtubers, meaning that they use their 3D avatars also as their personal representation on Twitch or Youtube. And not gonna lie, I never understood that trend as an old ass millenial; but after a few VRChats chatting along my boyfriend, something clicked in me again. Yes, I’m too used to talk and express myself in front of a camera, after all I’ve been doing it for over 15 years already and there’s a clear lose in expresivity… but there were also some considerable advantages.
One of the flaws of doing this kind of thing IRL is being limited by your actual physical space. If you have rooms with proper space or even you own your house, you can always move some forniture or appropiately furnish a room to have a setup that looks good on camera— but many times that’s not a possibility. Since I moved out of my parents’ house and lost the access to La Cueva™️ I’ve never had that privilege. Every flat I’ve been rented on have had small rooms or bad room layouts and if you also share space with your boyfriend, it gets even smaller.
On VRChat not only you don’t have any space limitation, but count with infinite beautifully crafted worlds and a flying camera you can position wherever and however you want. Pair this with a full body tracking setup, and suddenly it becomes an amazing outlet to your creativity on YouTube.
In two words… Why not?4